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A Daily Parenting Advice Podcast. Non-Pretentious. In less than 3min a day!

S5-Ep258 - The goals of misbehavior (Part 1)

September 11, 2019

 A lot of the times it feels like every situation is unique. Every child tantrum is about a different thing. Each child is different than the last. …. But we’re all the same. All parents are the same – we have a feeling about our children’s actions – be it annoyance, anger, hurt, despair. And the child reacts to our attempts to correct the situation. They react with agreement, ignoring, revenge. And this matrix of actions and reactions is generally small enough that psychologists have figured it out. They’ve got the secret code book. And you don’t.

 So how do you go about getting a copy?

   Well, keep listening because that’s our job. Our job is to teach. And yes, if I had a staff of people, and time to get this onto the website with a ton of graphics for you; I would. But when you start a business (or become a parent) you realize how little time there is to do anything, so enjoy all the free web content out there that took people weeks to create because now I know how hard it is. And speaking of hard – it’s hard to do what I do without listeners – If you think someone could be helped with this – we’d love to have them listen. Please share with one other person – I would appreciate it!

Ok, back to becoming a sensei on learning the ‘why’ of our childrens misbehavior.

Note, this comes from the “systematic Training for effective parenting – circa 1989 by psychologists Don Dinkmeyer Sr., Gary D. McKay and Don Dinkmeyer Jr.

So when you’re feeling annoyed – what do we do? We remind them. And we coax them. For example, I get annoyed when my kid repeats my name 7 times. Now in all honesty, he really repeats my wife’s name 7 times in 15 seconds because she doesn’t always respond, but I will often “remind” him (sometimes not as nice as I could) to stop repeating himself.  And he sometimes does stop. For a literal minute, and then next time he’s back trying to get our attention. And Attention is the goal of the misbehavior. That’s what this book calls out for us. You see, these are all things we could deduce or reason out, but who the hell has time to do that?! Not me, so I need some help sometimes. And that’s what we hope to bring you tomorrow – the rest of this story and the child’s faulty belief – and what we can do about it. Check back, tomorrow.