Yesterday we talked about Food, Shelter, And Love and said, yea – that’s a majority of what you do as a parent. And there are ways to improve in each of those, from eating more whole foods, to finding different ways your child needs to experience Love from you.
And since we’re on this basics kick – I thought I’d cover some psych 101 stuff.
Now I promised no medical doctors or psychologists. But we do need to cover the basics, and that’s what I can help with.
Bring in Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs, then we’ll figure out how can it help?
Maslow was a US born psychologist practicing in the 20th century and he came up with a five-tier model of human needs.
It’s often in a pyramid – so we’ll start at the bottom and build up.
He stated that people are motivated to achieve certain needs and that some needs take precedence over others. Our most basic need is for physical survival, and this will be the first thing that motivates our behavior. Once that level is fulfilled the next level up is what motivates us, and so on.
The bottom level is what we all know – Air, food, shelter, clothing, warmth, sleep. Note that it wasn’t until I read this that I got why mothers are so ferocious about their infants sleeping – making the UPS man not knock on the door during naptime, and asking neighbors to take down windchimes. It’s a mode of survival for these mothers! Good for them.
Level two: Security, order, law, stability. Once the food and shelter has been met, parents can move onto this level. And once again this offers mothers a way to give themselves a break. Women should give themselves a break as they try to get toddlers under control – We scold - Don’t jump off the couch, no writing on the walls. A parent can (and I often do) go crazy trying to find this balance between empathy and order. It’s just not acceptable to most of us for children to be writing on walls. We think it’s about us – WE don’t want to live in a house with marked up walls, but I’m here to tell you to give yourself a break. It’s not always selfish. We do need to create a house with order – it’s part of what children need. And if you missed the episode on the parenting types: Specifically “Uninvolved” – it’s further evidence that ‘free range’ isn’t the way to go.
Ok, before we continue on to levels 3-4-5 tomorrow – please do us a favor and subscribe in your favorite podcast player so you won’t miss tomorrows continuation.