Yesterday we talked about sibling rivalries and we gave you some tactics. Tactics are great. They get clicks on the internet, they make you feel like you have a hack that shortcuts the process.
But sometimes you can’t fix things with tactics and you need strategy. For the women out there, this is like pulling off a killer little black dress – pairing the right jewelry or hair, and looking great. Those are tactics. But if you wear the little black dress to your local gardening center; you’ve failed. Because where you wear the dress is the strategy.
Today we talk about strategy.
The article I got some of these future details on is listed in our show notes.
These mainly look at the causes.
- It could be a lack of structure. When there is a lack of or not enough structure in the home, children don’t feel safe, they feel anxious. They don’t know what to expect, don’t have that steady routine to ground them. The anxiety can fuel irritability and sibling rivalry; in the absence of clear structure, they may constantly be pushing and testing in order to find out where the boundaries are.
- If your kids are spread out in a wide range and they all go to bed at the same time or get no privileges for being older and more competent, sibling rivalry will increase. Why? Because each child needs to have his own place in the family system; he needs to know that as he gets older and more responsible there are changes and benefits that come with it.
- I’ll need to keep this in mind myself as my kids get older. We don’t love them exactly the same. We love them uniquely.
- And last is negative attention. I think we all look at our kids as inherently nice, but acting out just for attention is wired into these little people.
- Everyone needs positive attention. In its absence children and adults will shoot for negative attention. The worse is no attention at all.