Yesterday we gave a review of the Ted Talk listed in our shown notes. How to raise successful kids -- without over-parenting | Julie Lythcott-Haims
We talked yesterday about the checklist childhood. You have to have kids that are athletic, community service, high SAT, piano playing, code breaking, social geniuises.
Phew. Exhausting just to write.
But today we get into her statement to “Widen your definition of success”.
Not all success stories end with doctor or lawyer.
It’s at this point she gets into my favorite spot. Of course it’s my favorite topic because I preach it all the time.
She labels it “Self efficacy” The idea that one's actions lead to ones outcomes.
Or defined another way, “an individual's belief in their innate ability to achieve goals.”
And newsflash – they don’t get to achieve their goals with the bulldozer parent writing the script for their lives.
As Julie says, “They have to do all the things for themselves. The hoping and coping.”
So we need to back off and let go right? No. That’s not what she’s saying.
And this is my favorite part because we’ve talked about the 4 parenting types, and I don’t condone the free range childhood-the total letting go. We do condone the authoritative type. That type which teaches lessons through reason and consequence.
Julie goes on to say that our job as parents is to create a foundation. Again not a total checklist of goals completed. She wants us to build the ‘wellness to be successful.’ … that’s powerful man. Our job as parents is to create “well” children. Mentally stable and capable to succeed later in life.
She says, “Childhood is a foundation – and the best foundations are of love and chores.”
Yup, chores she mentions specifically, you’ll have to watch the study to learn about the Harvard grant study, but chores are a betterment to the whole. And that’s a good lesson.
Your kids are not bonsai trees - they are wildflowers. Your job is to nourish them whatever genus and species they are.